Friday, December 9, 2011

Average Bro's Below Average Picks: NFL Week 14

Hey there Sports Pros and Average Bros! Welcome back to another Edition of Average Bro's Below Average Picks.

And boy, oh boy! Did those picks live up to their title or what! The Washington vs. Jets game was close at the end. I actually thought my 3 point line would be spot on! But of course, if there's one thing Washington excels at (even more than personnel decisions and turning good athletes into confused children) it's disppointing people. And was I ever disappointed.


Chicago vs. Kansas City was just a bad pick. But in my defense, Orton only came in for one play (which he threw an incompletion). He was able to stare down Cutler far longer than I thought he'd be able to. That gave it away right there.

And Jaguars vs. Chargers, what was I thinking? I guess I forgot that Blaine Gabbert has all the pocket presence of a peanut butter sandwich. If they didn't have Maurice Jones-Drew, I'm pretty confident the game would have been over at halftime. There new owner would have just decided this was a bad investment and take all of the players and give them jobs at his road making company. It would probably be a good career move for Gabbert.

So I had a few bad picks. It was my first week! We will move on from this and we will be better. Now that I'm established, I can guarantee that these picks will be better than last week. I really hope.



Philadelphia Eagles vs. Miami Dolphins

Yep. This game is a lock. This is the kinda game that jumps out at me and is like, "Hey! I know this game is gunna be terrible and hard to watch but I bet you can pick the winner!" Yes horrible game, I bet I can. 

There are many factors that make this game jump out to me. I hate to draw parallels to baseball for the second week in a row, but for teams like the Eagles and Dolphins, baseball is what they're all thinking about anyway. The MLB's winter meetings have been crazy! With Reyes to the Marlins and Pujols to the...not Marlins. That's gotta just devastate all 57 sports fans in Miami (not counting the thousands of fans who like that Lebron guy). Miami finally had a chance to be a relevant sports town. The Heat are favored to win it all this season and with Pujols thought to be a key gem in the Marlin's crown, they would have had some steam too. But alas, The Machine has gone on to live in sunny California. You think Reyes can carry the Marlins? Why not? He sure did it with the Mets, right?

So now the entire city of Miami is in a sports based funk. The Marlins gain small talent but in the same division with the Phillies, Braves, and quickly developing Nationals, it won't take them anywhere. The Heat will probably disappoint them again due to the dream team attempts in (you guessed it) LA (what is going on over there?!) So why even care about the Dolphins? They're going to have a new coach, new quarterback and new losing record next year. Let's just go to our beautiful beaches and amazing shopping and restaurant districts before we settle down for the night to a warm and breezy night of fun. Damn you Miami Sports!

Not that the Eagle's fans care anymore, but they just want a new coach at this point. The more they lose the better that chance becomes. Only problem is, like other dream teams, they are pros at disappointment. Fans want you to win, you lose. Fans want you to lose, you win! And they will win!

Not to mention they are playing at Sun Life Stadium. And as you know, It's always sunny in Philadelphia! 

Eagles over Dolphins by 6

Kansas City Chiefs vs. New York Jets


This game jumped out at me for one particular reason. They both won last week when they weren't supposed to! I picked against them! Who do they think they are winning games! Bush league Chiefs and Jets! BUSH LEAGUE!

Well. Now that that's out of my system, I can get down to business here. If you go to NFL.com and check out the pages of both these teams you can find their news stories along the left sidebar. They're both pretty similar. They have recap from sunday's games and outlook for this weeks games. Snores ville! Step it up NFL.com!

Then one story stuck out to me on the Jet's page. Actually, it infuriated me. It was a story about how Rex Ryan employed the Wildcat offense against Washington, and how he did it well. I hate Rex Ryan. And to hear him patting himself on his fat BBQ sauce filled back about running an unexpected offense to run up the score on Washington, well you're just asking for it there buddy boy!

Then, I was scrolling around the Chiefs news stories and one really stuck out to me. Apparently, there has been a mountain lion roaming around Chief's practice facility. Not lions and tigers and bears or any other made up animals, a mountain lion! Woah ho! I don't think were in Kansas City anymore, Todd Haley!

So then that leads me to think. Sure, the Jets ran a good share of the wildcat against a bad Washington team late in the game, but this is different. How will the Jets Wildcat hold up against a team who is dealing with a real live wild cat? According to the article by Dan Hanzus, the Chiefs coach, Todd Haley said, "it's got a lot of guys running to their cars quick at night." If that's not training agains the wild cat, I don't know what is!

This puma must be a Chiefs fan who is trying to prepare the Chiefs' defense. And prepared they will be!

Chiefs over Jets by 6

Chicago Bears vs. Denver Broncos
"Wow. It's only the second week of these terrible picks and he's already rehashing all the teams he's already used! This guys a joke!" Well you know what Mr. Negative McJerkface? You can leave! Go ahead! Get out of here! I'll wait until you're gone to start again....

Is he gone? Good. I hate that guy! 

Anyway, yes, another team from last week stuck out to me. But its only because I picked them last week that they did. During last week's research, (yes, I do research! Countless minutes of it!) I found that since Cutler and Orton entered the league, Denver and Chicago have only played each other once (in 2007). Cutler played in that game for the Broncos but the Bears' reigns were in the trusted, confident hands of one Rex Grossman.

Rexy and the Bears (sounds like a late eighties band) pulled out a win in that game in overtime. The score was 37-34. Fairly high scoring even by today's standards. And in a high scoring game, multiple players must touch the ball. Of the eight non-field goal scoring plays, seven different players carried the ball in. Of those eight, there was an even split between the teams.

Here's where it gets interesting. Of the players who scored in the game (kicker included) none still play for the Bronco's. Everyone has moved on to retirement or other teams. On the Bears' side, two dynamic special teams players, Robbie Gould and Devin Hester, scored multiple times and still play for the team. This team went on to the Super Bowl that year. The Broncos are still waiting on their chance.

Maybe this year Denver, but not this game. Am I crazy to bet against Tim Tebow? No. Just below average.

Bears over Broncos by 3

Well there it is! Call your momma and tell her to put all the jelly beans she's got on these teams to win. I had a bad start but that's how it always goes! First is the worst, second is the best! And all these teams are better than the rest! (Or at least better than the teams they are playing...for 60 minutes on Sunday...maybe...I hope).

No comments:

Post a Comment