Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Dear Peyton Manning, We Need You!

Dear Peyton Manning,

My condolences on your recent release from the Colts. I know how hard you played for them and I can't believe they would turn their nose-up at you like that.You deserve better....Much better!

Well I'm here to tell you just how much better you can have it! There is only one place that can facilitate you the perfect way.  A place that can meet you're every need. A place so great, you are the only thing that could make it better.

That place is:
WASHINGTON D.C. !

That's right! Washington D.C. ! To play for the storied Washington R*dsk*ns! I can imagine your excitement at hearing their interest but don't go signing with them on just name recognition alone! Wait until you hear the great things Washington can provide you!


1. Beat up on Brother Eli twice a year!

Well you haven't played Eli very often. But when you do play him, It's lights out! He might be the current champion of Football, but he's still little Eli. You can turn him over and spank him whenever you want. And Washington was able to sweep the current champs this past season. Think of the combo you'd make! That's two guaranteed wins on the season (which is more than your old team had this past year...just saying). Plus, he's got two rings to your one! Doesn't that make you mad!? Go get him, Peyton!

2. It's the perfect location!

Think about it! Seattle is rainy and depressing and, besides coffee, doesn't have a whole lot to offer anyone much less an NFL Quarterback. Miami is to flashy. I know you, Peyton. You're a hometown guy with a great family! I think Eli is pushing the Manning Family envelope a little just playing in NY!  You don't want to play in the same place as Lebron James and Jose Reyes! Those guys aren't you! You would much rather hang out with all the no name athletes that operate out of the DC area! And Arizona? Do I really have to speak on Arizona? No one even has a TV in Arizona! They traded for Kevin Kolb last year and ended up going with the backup for the rest of the season. Do you really want that to happen to you? You might as well have stayed in Indy.

3. No one will notice your neck injury there!

Washington D.C. is the home of our nation's capital. This also means it is the home to our nations Senators and Congressmen. I know that sounds like a huge con, but hold on. In this world of politics people make mistakes all the time, and especially people of power like these legislators. The problem is, they don't look back at their past mistake to learn for the future. The moral of this story? No one in D.C. has used their necks for years! Even if you struggle to heal, nobody will know the difference! It's fool proof!

Peyton, the decision is ultimately yours. I've given you just a few reasons to pick Washington out of all the teams you can go to. And I feel those reasons are substantial enough. Do you really want us to have to trade away our entire future for RG3? Or worse yet...stick with Rex Grossman? Ughhh...makes me have severe neck pain just thinking about it.

I'm doing this for you Peyton. I want you to be successful. I want you to continue your career and win lots more superbowls.

But only with Washington. Otherwise, good luck elsewhere.

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