Might as well start from the top with
The Principal
Bob Ley
Look at him. So authoritative. He knows this school better then the back of his hand. He's probably interviewed every new student and approved of them too. He's done his time as a student but now he's taking a break. He still does some work every now and then but all in all he's just running the show. Bravo Principal Bob.
The Assistant Principal - Head of discipline
Chris "Boomer" Berman
He might seem like a guy you could have fun with and he definitely is! But he also means business. Hope you don't mind getting yelled at pansy freshman, because this guy can do some yelling! What?! You better watch your tone John Buccigross! You! Might! Go! All! The! Way! To the principal’s office!
The Professor
John Clayton
Do I really even need to show this one? Of course he’s the professor. Yep, that’s Dr. Professor John Clayton to you kids. He could be teaching up at the local college but he cares so much he’s trying to teach at high school. Which is great but he teaches like your all Graduate students. Chill out with the information, Doc!
The Younger cooler Teacher
Tony Reali
He’s so much different of a teacher than Doc Clayton down in Boring land. Mr. Reali lets you text in class and eat food and listen to music. He just lets you talk and talk and then he just corrects your nonsense at the end of class. He even plays fun review games, putting you head to head for bonus points. Sign me up for this class every year!
The Class Clown
John Buccigross
Oh that Johnny! He’s a riot! Everybody likes him and wants to be his friend. Remember that time he filled Principal Bob’s office with balloons full of pudding? Classic Johnny! Not even Vice Principal Boomer can stay mad at him. What a guy!
The Head Cheerleader
Erin Andrews
Talk about the most popular girl in school! Everybody knows her even though she only hangs out with a select group of people. She's always going to all these College events and parties. Will she be homecoming Queen? Most likely. Prom Queen? You bet!
The Jocks
Mike Golic, Mark Schlereth, Trent Dilfer, Tedy Bruschi, Antonio Pierce etc.
This is a given. They're the athletes. They travel in packs and have an air of superiority about them. They still hang our with the non-jocks but only to tell them that what they think is wrong. "Listen here puney! I've played the game! Don't question me." They also need the non-jocks around to help them form coherent sentences. You know how those helmet to helmet hits take their toll.
The Debate Team
The First Take Cast
They're just like the rest of the athletes! They play a sport! I mean look! Debate TEAM! Were a team! That means sport right! Wrong. These guys think they know it all, especially the captain Skip Bayless. They'll argue and fight over stuff they know nothing about. And they're cocky too! They bring on REAL athletes to try to give themselves more competition, then just make nonsensical arguments until the athletes give up. Score one for the Debate Team! No. Stop it First and Ten. No more High Fives.
Valedictorian
Saige Steele
Yep. She's the smartest girl in school. But she's one of the lucky girls who everything just came easy to. Shes pretty and funny and never really had to work too hard. Everyone likes her...except...
Salutatorian
Adam Schefter
That's right! Second Place. And he wasn't as blessed with luck like Saige was. He's worked tirelessly night and day to get his grades up. He was also head of the school paper and spent hours trying to get the inside scoop on school sports and news. He's been battling it out with Saige since grade school and he lost. It doesn't help that he's had a crush on her since the second grade. Poor Schefty.
The Metal Head
Jim Rome
He's usually sitting off someplace all alone but that's how he likes it. He's usually over hyping something that's really not that cool. He assures you it's "Epic!" but really you know its fairly lame. He thinks he has the world figured out and is so cynical about the rest of the kids in school. One day they'll all realize how right you are Jim. It'll be Epic!
The Cool Guy
Colin Cowherd
He's definitely the coolest guy. He might not be most popular what with Buccigross taking everyone's attention and the jocks just being the jocks, but he's the guy wearing the v-necks. Sure he can be kind of a douche and some people might not like him but they respect him because he's so damn cool! He wore a leather jacket the other day and it worked! Man. And who's tagging along with him but...
The Cool Guy's little Sister
Michelle Beadle
Okay well to be fair it's his step-sister. She's kinda new to the school but since she's been tagging along with Colin, she's gained all kinds of popularity. Shes funnier than him and cuter and generally more likable. She keeps him in check and makes him not so douchey. Look out Erin Andrews! There's a new girl in school! And if she could win Prom Queen, that dreamy John Buccigross would finally notice her!
The Every Man
Keyshawn Johnson
Yeah, I know he's one of the jocks, but he's different. The man's got swag. And not just athlete swag. Legit, untouchable, real deal swag swag. He's a part of everything. Sports, academics, school fashion shows. I heard he had the lead in the play last year. The Argyle Prince has dress game off the charts. He'll relate to anyone, even though he is so much cooler then you.
The Mascot
Lee Corso
I don't know what the mascot would be for ESPN High, but even if they had one, I'm sure this guy wouldn't be able to remember anyway. He's the one guy they could convince to wear the smelly mascot suit, and now they can't get him to stop. It's gotten to the point where he just brings in his own mascot costume and wears it around all day. It's kinda creepy to be honest with you.
Some guy that snuck into the school
Dan LeBatard
Were not really sure what this guy is doing here. He doesn't belong here and just kinda roamed in off the street. Attention ESPN High! We are in lock down! Don't worry, security is on the way!
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